Alan Partridge Blog: What’s wrong with modern TV?

Readers, welcome. Today I’m going to write about TV. Why? Because some pretty tough things need saying. Anyone with any intelligence can see that television has never been so bad. Emerging technology has allowed us to broadcast hundreds of different channels, bloating the schedules with what New Labour would call ‘choice’ but what David Cameron and myself would describe as ‘rubbish television’. Vote Conservative. 

These unwanted channels – called things like UK-ITV5 +1 minus 6 HD – make finding a repeat of ‘Morse’ or ‘Bergerac’ a soul-destroying affair. As if this isn’t bad enough, extra channels seem to be squirreled away behind the red button! It’s like being trapped in Narnia, walking back through the wardrobe and finding another Narnia, but one that’s less interesting and presented by Ray Stubbs. Who’s actually a bloody good bloke.

[Alan Partridge blog: Alan Partridge Alpha Papa review]
[Alan Partridge blog: Music festival season]
[Alan Partridge blog: Fashion]
[Alan Partridge blog: Driving]

And look at the quality of the fare! Idiotic TV made by idiots with idiots for idiots. And that’s not sour grapes. My grapes are ripe and juicy, thank you very much, cheers for asking. I’m still very much a man in demand – I recently signed up to voice the pilot of ‘Timothy’s Castle’, a British remake of the Japanese ‘Takeshi’s Castle’, set within a decommissioned power station in Hove. The emphasis is very much on quality.  No, my beef is with the sheer lack of craftsmanship. Sometimes, I play Reality Roulette with my remote control. I punch in a random number and if a reality show comes up, I switch off the television set and have a Double Decker. The confectionary equivalent of taking a bullet in the head. I’ve put on a stone! 

[First look clip from Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa]

My solution to this malaise? Follow the Edmonds precedent and bring back the kind of guys that know how to deliver massive audiences and quality TV. The likes of Paul Daniels, Tom O’Connor, John Virgo. And I’m not hankering for a job here, guys. That would cheapen this article. Besides, the powers-that-be know where to find me. They know my number. (07700 900161).