Batman film reboot: 4 weird comic book scenes to avoid

With Christopher Nolan's Batman franchise done and dusted with 'The Dark Knight Rises', bean counters at studio Warner Bros. will already be working on how to bring the world's favourite superhero back to cinema screens.

[Related story: The real cost of being Batman]

Batman's been around for more than 70 years, so there's a ton of juicy storylines from the comics that Warner Bros. could use as inspiration for a 'Dark Knight' reboot. There's also some weird, bizarre and worrying nonsense on the printed page that we sincerely hope doesn't make the cut. Such as when…

Batman Gets Addicted to Drugs

In issues 16-20 of Legends of the Dark Knight we are introduced for the first time to the super serum known as Venom, which greatly increases a person's physical strength. Nowadays we think of the drug primarily as Bane's weapon of choice but, chronologically speaking, Batman was the first person to ever use it. This sort of bears repeating… Batman totally took steroids that one time.

In "Venom," Batman fails to save the life of a little girl and has trouble dealing with the resulting feelings of inadequacy. To make sure this never happens again he then becomes addicted to the strength-enhancing drug, which ultimately causes him to go through the most childhood-hero-ruining case of 'roid rage ever. In the end, Batman is able to kick his Venom addiction by locking himself up in the Batcave for a month, emerging as an even greater symbol of fear than ever before.

Batman Talks like a 13-Year Old, Abuses Robin

In 2005, DC Comics tried to reel in new fans by giving them a Batman unburdened by decades of confusing continuity in the form of All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder, written by Frank Miller. Unfortunately, by the looks of it the company hoped to tap the oft-forgotten douchebag teen market by making Batman call Robin 'retarded' and angrily announced that he—all evidence to the contrary—was "the goddamned Batman."

The above phrase has by now reached meme-levels of internet fame but it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the insanity of the Miller books where Batman comes off less as a complex hero, and more as a sociopath. Some of his more colorful moments include constantly hitting Robin for talking back and forcing him to hunt rats for food when the boy had the audacity to ask for something to eat after Batman kidnapped him.

The lesson here, of course, is that it's not child abuse if you wear a ridiculous Halloween costume while doing it.

Batman was a Sex Freak

The thing with Batman is that you should never see him as too human. If you'd ever, say, see Batman on the toilet or brushing his teeth, you'd stop taking the character seriously. Same goes for him having sex: we know he probably does it but we don't need to see it, much less know about his favorite positions or any disturbing fetishes.

Frank Miller wholeheartedly disagrees, making the list once again with his All Star Batman where the Dark Knight has sex with the superheroine Black Canary. On a pier. In the rain. With their masks on. After beating up bad guys.

It's almost as if that sort of thing (minus the costumes) is business as usual for them, which brings up a disturbing question: What if beating up criminals is what is, you know, in to?

Batman Hates Punk Rock

As a veteran crimefighter, Batman has stared into the eyes of the beast that dwells within each man and woman, seeing for himself the real cause of pain and suffering in the world… Namely, punk rock.

In Batman: Fortunate Son, Batman and Robin go after a crazed rock star out on a murderous rampage while calmly and rationally discussing the nature of rock music in general (they've apparently misplaced their travel version of Scrabble). Unsurprisingly, Robin thinks rock music is great while Batman has a slightly different take on the matter:

In the original draft of the comic, Batman then stops the car and tells a bunch of kids to get off somebody's lawn and get a haircut, I assume.