Anytime someone says the phrase, "Think back to your childhood," everyone has that one memory that still makes them laugh as an adult because it was just so chaotic.
1."I remember my daddy telling me when I was about 2 or 3 that I put Irish potatoes in the toilet and clogged it up. My mama had to call a plumber to unclog the toilet."
2."When we were kids, my brother locked me in the closet and tried to suck out all the air with a straw."
3."I took a bite out of every cookie in the container and hid them around the house. My family was confused as to why there were half-eaten cookies under the couch cushions, and of course, my dumbass tried to lie. Saw right through me."
4."I superglued my hand to my mom's hand 'cause she didn't know I had just put on fake nails, and we both lost some skin on our fingers with that ordeal."
5."Not me, but my boyfriend stole a bus from the school bus lot in middle school and drove it off the road. He took it for a joy ride, then ditched it somewhere wooded and used a pay phone to call the police to let them know where it was. He never got caught nor did he do any damage to the bus somehow."
6."My cousins, my sister, and I (ages 5–7) lit my grandmother's mattress on fire. Our great idea for putting out the fire was to try to carry the burning mattress over to the bathroom sink. Luckily, my uncle caught us. We could've burned down the whole building."
7."When we were little, my oldest cousin and I went to Kmart with our moms. My cousin was in the shopping cart ahead of mine during checkout. The cashier looked at my cousin and commented that she was so cute. My cousin picked her nose and presented her finger to the cashier, 'Here, Lady. Want a booger?'"
8."My greatest achievement when I was a kid was putting a strip of clear tape on all the phones in the house, right over the top of the microphones. My parents thought the phones were broken or something because no one could hear them on the other end. Took them a couple days (and multiple rounds of shouting into the phones) to figure it out."
9."I was maybe 12, and went to the movies with my parents. There was a poster for the movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin. My dad turned 40 that year as well. Guess what I yelled in the very busy movie theater? 'DAD, THAT MOVIE IS ABOUT YOU!'"
10."I was fascinated by room capacity signs, so I decided to be helpful and let the world know that the number of people who could fit in our bathroom at home was eight. Drew a big old 8 in green sharpie right on the outside of the bathroom door, then realized I'd probably get in trouble, so I taped a paper towel over the 8 to hide it so my mom wouldn't know. That maybe lasted 10 minutes. If I'd drawn it on the inside, I could've maybe made it a week, since no one really used that bathroom."
11."I used to make my mom mini vases for flowers out of the cat poop buried in our sand box. In my defense, I thought it was clay. She still has one of the cat shit crafts, 35 years later."
12."When at a doctor's appointment circa age 4, the nurse asked me if I needed to 'go' at the beginning of the appointment. I knew that 'go' in this situation meant go to the bathroom, and I replied no, I did not. At the end of the visit, I announced that I did indeed have to 'go' now. I was sent, alone, into the bathroom with a specimen container with the instructions to 'go' into the container. When inside, I wondered something: I had to pee and poo, so I was unclear on what they wanted. However, being a self-assured little tyke, I realized with great confidence that they could not POSSIBLY get any use out of some pee, so I decided right then and there to take a dump in this tiny jar."
"When I presented this turd, barely contained in the small jar, the nurse started HOWLING with laughter. In a moment, I realized I must've chosen incorrectly, but nobody seemed mad so I just laughed along. In between breaths, the nurse snorted, 'How did you [cackle] get it in there without touching the sides of the lid?' I had managed to do this without creating a mess, which just made the whole thing even funnier."
13."I was maybe 7 or 8, and my brother was 6. My mom went out on a date, and the babysitter apparently wasn't paying too much attention. We decided that mom's car needed washing. So we took a box of Kleenex outside and got each Kleenex wet one by one, and washed the (navy blue) car with them! The Kleenex fell apart all over the car, and dried before my mom saw it in the morning. She had to laugh, though."
14."My cousin was 4 months old and was brought home to meet the family including her Romanian Bulgarian grandparents. This also included a Greek Orthodox baptism. They stripped her down naked and dipped her into a gold basin. She's screaming her head off. Terrified I screamed out, 'Oh no! They're cooking her in the pot!'"
15."I once told classmates that I wanted to be an animal pornographer. Cue our teacher asking me to see her at break time. She and I finally learnt that I meant to say wildlife photographer, but my brain got in the way."
16."My best friend lived across the street, and we played with Barbies all the time. She had a Barbie house in their downstairs play room. One day, we decided Barbie needed to mow the grass. We ended up cutting a good two square feet of the carpet around the doll house. Her mom was not pleased. They left it that way until they moved eight years later. But that part of the carpet was always an inch shorter."
17."When I was about 9, my dad was teaching me how to ride a dirt bike, and in the split second he looked away, I was riding full speed into the house and ripped off half of our front porch."
18."I put coins in between the slots of my mom's car radio because I thought it looked like an arcade game. It never worked again."
19."My dad was doing work under the house when I was about 2 or 3. He decided it would be funny to tap on the floor and act like he was trapped. I followed the sound around the house with my ear to the floor while my mom called her sister to tell her how funny it was. Then she realized she didn't see or hear me anymore, so she got off the phone to investigate (before cellphones were a thing). She found me in the bathroom slowly peeling the wallpaper up as high as I could reach, whispering, 'I'll get you out, Daddio, I'll get you out.' I'm in my 30s now, and they still bring it up from time to time."
20."At a 'wacky' gift shop at age 7, I tried on and walked around in what I recognized as Groucho glasses with a nose and mustache. When I showed my older sister, she swiftly identified the nose as a penis and helped me take them off. How funny I must’ve looked to the other customers!"
21."One time when I was about 6–7, I was at the beach, and I wanted my dad to take me in the ocean, so I ran and started jumping on him and telling him I wanted to go swimming. It was not my dad. To no one's surprise, about a year later we found out my eyesight was bad, and I should've been wearing glasses this whole time."
22.And finally, "Parents used to give us old cookware to play with when it snowed, and my older brother bet me he could toss an old sauce pot over the lower roof of the house and clear it. He did, and clocked our other sibling in the face on the other side of the house."
What's your wildest childhood memory? Let us know in the comments below.