Yahoo Movies Loneliness Has Risen By 79% - Here's What to Do to Feel Less Isolated
Think back to a time over the past 12 months when you felt lonely. Perhaps it was being physically alone one Thursday evening when you’d have given anything to be catching up with pals over a table groaning with pasta you didn’t cook and wine not procured from your fridge. Perhaps it was a Wednesday morning when your live-in partner’s chats didn't hit the spot and you longed to be procrastinating, instead, with access to the wit and creativity of your colleagues’ minds.
Or even a Saturday morning, sat in the kitchen with noisy, small dependents making it plain that you were very much not alone, but nevertheless still feeling disconnected because there was no one around to share the things that weighed heavily on your heart.
Whatever loneliness looks and feels like to you, it’s important to know that you're not alone in this. In Autumn, we surveyed over 2,000 of you and the prevailing message? That you – Women’s Health readers, listeners, followers – have seriously struggled with feelings with disconnection and isolation this year, with 79% of respondents reporting that they feel lonelier now than before the pandemic.
This tallies with other findings, notably one from the Office of National Statistics, which indicates that pandemic-induced loneliness reached it's highest-ever levels this winter, with 4.2 million people describing themselves as 'always' or 'often' lonely. For a community formed around a shared passion for health, this is troubling news. Loneliness is a serious risk factor for poor health; contributing to heaps of undesirable outcomes, from depression to early mortality. But rather than just add to the noise (we know that you know loneliness is bad for you) we want to help you to help yourself feel better.
To that end, we’ve contacted one of the freshest thinkers in the science of human connection: Jeffrey Hall, Professor of Communication Studies at the University of Kansas. He's pulled together some new guidelines on how you can avoid loneliness, cultivate connection, and reboot your social health. ‘There is no better use of your time than caring for other people and spending time with them,’ says Professor Hall.
'The evidence is unequivocal that having quality relationships with others is what makes life meaningful and long-lasting.’ And while fixing loneliness on a zoomed-out, societal level is enormously complicated, the things you can do to remedy the hunger for connection in your own life are simpler than you might think.
Simple as they may be, given that right now you’re more likely to watch TV or go on social media than ring a friend when you feel lonely (spoiler alert: neither of those are going to deliver the connection fix you’re craving) these are fundamental lessons worth revisiting.
Here are the results of the WH reader loneliness survey
Perhaps the most startling stat that came out of our survey? That 79% of you feel lonelier now, than you did before the pandemic. That rises to 87% for single people.
When it comes to the social interactions that you have you missed most this year...
81% of you said: Spontaneous dinners / drinks / weekends with friends and family
50% said: Office chat and small talk that wasn’t about work and is hard to replicate when working remotely
69% said: In-person chats with your closest friends who you haven’t been able to see
61% say: Having all your favourite people together for celebrations
46% said: Wider circle friends you see at social gatherings but don’t necessarily contact otherwise
47% said: Having extended family all together
In other news, 72% of you believe that the most loneliness-inducing part of the pandemic has been not being able to meet new friends. This is followed by not being able to date and meet new people (56%), a lack of physical intimacy (54%) and the emphasis that the pandemic has placed on households and couples (53%).
When you feel lonely, here's what you said you do:
58%: I watch TV or listen to radio and podcasts
57%: I exercise
55%: I go on social media
46%: I send a message to friends
42%: I read or write in my journal
39%: I call a family member or close friend
When asked if you are interacting less with people virtually now than at the start of the pandemic, here's what you said:
39%: Yes - I feel fatigued after communicating via a screen for work
36%: Yes - All the group chats just fizzled out
19%: No - I’m socialising virtually as much as before
6%: I'm not sure
Some of you are holding your cards close to your chest. 18% of you are struggling with loneliness, but haven’t told anyone, because you're not sure who you would tell. Not having a confidant is the biggest drawback to opening up – 13% of you wouldn't say because you would be embarrassed, and 9% haven’t voiced struggles because it wouldn’t come up in the conversations they have with loved ones.
When asked if your bonds of friendship are as strong as they were before the pandemic, here's how you replied:
29%: Yes - I have a strong core group and we’ve all been there for one another
11%: Yes - I’m a sociable person and have invested a lot into my friendships
16%: Not sure - It’s hard to tell when you don’t see each other
29%: Not sure - Some have grown stronger, while others have dropped off
6%: No - My friendships are reduces to names on WhatsApp groups
8%: No - I’ve not felt particularly sociable
61% of you have sought to nurture your relationships and sense of connection through messaging friends and family members, while 46% of you book in regular phone calls. In terms of IRL interaction, 33% of single people surveyed see someone they love monthly or less.
When asked if you seek out forms of social wellness...
You know, in the same way that you turn to other things to make you feel good, like workouts or journaling.
38% said: 'Yes - I know relationships are essential for my wellbeing'
24% said: 'No - I think of my relationships and social life as separate'
23% said: 'I haven’t before, but I would consider doing so now'
15% said: 'I don’t know / not sure'
So, where do we go from here?
To counter all of this, and to help you to increase the connection in your life, WH wants you to get to know your 'social biome' – a concept at the core of The Loneliness Remedy. Jeffrey Hall, Professor of Communication Studies at the University of Kansas, coined the phrase and believes it to be a useful metaphor for how we imagine the medley of social interactions we get throughout a day. Think of it like your gut microbiome: a living, ever-evolving thing that responds to what you feed it and has seismic implications for how you feel.
So, just like you know to keep your gut microbes healthy by aiming to eat 30+ plant foods per week and showing them extra love by adding in fermented foods, your social biome deserves similar TLC. Our suggestion, that Professor Hall supports? That you aim for five socially nutritious interactions a day: the same number as the amount of fruit and veg that the NHS recommends you get in. Of course, for some people, this is not easy – and this idea should not make you feel in any way bad – but is more something to bear in mind when you’re planning your week.
Practically, this means taking a more analytical approach to your social life and dedicating time to engaging in the sorts of meaningful interactions that will truly enrich you. To determine how socially nourishing an interaction will be, Professor Hall wants you to think about the following...
Who
‘The interactions that will sustain you the most will be from the people you are closest to,’ he explains. ‘I call this your “first 15”. Take the time to identify who those people are, then actively allocate time to nurture your emotional connection with them.’ This is extra important during a stressful time, when you want to make sure that you’re spending your limited reserves of social energy efficiently; on interactions that you know will truly nourish you.
What
‘There are four kinds of conversations that are particularly valuable for your social health. They are: meaningful (talking about the big stuff or stuff that matters to you), catching up, joking around and expressing concern or affection,’ Professor Hall explains. Someone with a healthy social biome will have a balance of these sorts of interactions every week.
How
‘The gold standard is always meeting face to face, followed by a phone call,’ says Professor Hall. Video isn’t actually all that fulfilling. ‘Because you expend more energy in setting it up and keeping it going, it isn’t as easy as calling someone for a chat.’ Next on the list comes texting and instant messaging and then, bottom rung, is going on social media.
Prioritise hearty social meals over junk snacks
‘Even though going on social media allows you to consume lots of information about people it doesn’t provide the depth of connection that people need to feel really socially nourished. And research shows that when we have that motivation to interact decreased, then we’re less likely to turn to the more in-depth conversation because we’ve already used up all our energy scrolling through our social feeds for an hour.’
Plan your social life like your meals and workouts
‘More than ever, we have to build intentional social routines, like you do around work, exercising and what you eat. That includes fostering our closest relationships through routine and generally we don’t do that. Diarise catch ups with your closest relationships so there’s a solid foundation of connection. And then when you feel that pang of loneliness, treat it as what it is: a cue to connect.’
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