Alison Steadman: ‘We filmed the sex scene in the New Forest, so it was quite prickly’

You and Myra Frances shared UK TV’s first lesbian kiss in a 1974 BBC drama, Girl. What are your memories of this taboo-breaking event? VerulamiumParkRanger
Well, I remember being very nervous about the whole thing. Then I got over it. Then I was worried about how my parents, who lived in a quiet suburban area of Liverpool, would cope. I thought: “My poor mum! The neighbours will be whispering: ‘Did you see your daughter on television?’” By the time we came to record, this great director [Peter Gill] didn’t make a fuss and said: “So this is the bit where they kiss … All right, quick kiss, let’s carry on.” I was just nervous about people’s reactions. But my mum was great, and the neighbours got over it quickly.

What do you think Wendy in Life Is Sweet actually thought of Aubrey and have you ever tried saveloy on a bed of lychees, prawn in jam, trotter with eggs or pilchard curry? Vhsstilllives and EddieChorepost
The easy answer to those last ones is: no. Even the descriptions make me feel sick. Wendy was fond of Aubrey and thought he was an idiot, but a nice idiot. She was trying to help him. The bit I love the most is when he starts kissing her feet, and she says: “I might have trod in dog poo.” He was a ridiculous guy who would do anything to make an impression.

Did you really work at the perfume counter of a department store to get in character as Beverly in Abigail’s Party? PasqualeDeRosa72
I did work on the perfume counter in a big department store – Owen Owen in Liverpool – when I was 15 and still at school, as a Saturday job to get some money. I accidentally charged a woman a fortune for a bottle of perfume that turned out to be the display one with a “not for sale” sticker on the bottom. I didn’t know you were supposed to sell perfume in a sealed box. When she came back, she was really sweet. When I was building my character for Abigail’s Party, I went to watch the girls doing the makeup in the big London department stores as part of my research.

How do you find the humanity in such an outrageous, larger-than-life character as Beverly? stephenkavanagh34
There are some awful, outrageous and totally selfish people in this world. Beverly’s one of those. She loves putting her husband down because she’s bored stiff with him, and always looking for guys to have flings with. When I was doing the play at Hampstead, many a night after the show we’d be having a drink in the bar and lots of guys would come up and say: “I know that woman. I’ve been had by that woman. I’ve been chased by that woman,” and laugh. So it was good fun. I loved it.

What are your memories of working with Dennis Potter? What was the atmosphere like on those two final television dramas, Karaoke and Cold Lazarus? brucevayne1000
Dennis Potter was one of the most talented, clever writers this country has ever produced. It was very sad we lost him before we should have. In Karaoke, I had a disfigured face because the storyline was that the husband had smashed a bottle when he was drunk and cut her cheek and lip. I had the most awful time in makeup, having my face all glued.

My favourite was The Singing Detective. It’s so unusual: the singing, the storyline. It’s painful, but it’s fun. I found it fabulous. I most remember the sex scene in the woods. The night it was due to go out, I went to buy a Sunday newspaper from my local shop, and the headline read: “BBC braces itself for biggest sex shock ever.” This was my scene! Mary Whitehouse went berserk and every journalist was trying to get hold of me. Again, I was most worried about my parents, but they coped very well. It’s quite tame by today’s standards. I can’t remember much about the filming other than we were in the New Forest, so it was quite prickly!

I’ve always thought actors need to find something, no matter how small, to like about their characters when playing the villain or fool. Did you find anything you liked about Mrs Bennett in the BBC’s 1995 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice? WomanofWolfville
I love Mrs Bennett! She was an absolute monster, but she was a very sensible woman because she had five daughters and had to find husbands for all of them. In those days, if you didn’t have a rich husband, that was it. And as soon as she heard there was one around, she’d be like: “Mr Bennett, have you heard?” I loved her. I based her a little on an aunt who was very eccentric and over the top, but brilliant. She would burst through the door going: this, that, and the other. I didn’t reveal that until my aunt had passed, because I didn’t want to upset her.

Do you have a preference for comedy or drama? Miapatrick
What I’ve loved about my career is that I’ve managed to do both. At one point I thought I might be getting stuck a little in comedy, then along came Life, the [2020 BBC] Mike Bartlett drama with Peter Davison about the families in the big house in Manchester, that I could really immerse myself in. This September, I’m doing a second series of the Tom Basden BBC comedy, Here We Go, playing this Liverpool mum who is a real nutter; I love her. What I like about my job is that you never know what’s around the corner. Pam from Gavin & Stacey can be a pain in the neck, but she loves her son dearly. She might go off on one at Mick, but they always end up cuddling, and saying I love you. That’s what people love, I think.

Related: Alison Steadman: 'I never thought I would live in such strange and scary times'

I notice you’ve never done any Shakespeare. Is there a reason? avongirl
I have done Shakespeare. I played Desdemona. I’ve played Ophelia at Nottingham Playhouse and at Lincoln Theatre Royal when I first left drama school. I’ve done a few bits. It’s too late now. I’m not doing theatre – it’s too exhausting and my brain can’t retain all the lines for two hours. I’ve decided I’ll just do some telly. I’ve always wanted to play Lady Macbeth, but I’m too old now. I’m 76!

How do you view your journey as an actor? Would you change anything? Ignatzratzkywatzky
I don’t think so. I’ve had a pretty good time. I’ve earned a living, I haven’t had to work in a bar or wait tables, which a lot of actors do. There is a lot of work for young actors now entering the profession, but there are thousands of young people leaving drama schools every year. I was very lucky when Mike Leigh gave me such a wonderful break in Abigail’s Party. They say: actors don’t retire. The business retires us. I don’t want to film for months and months, getting up at 4am, because it’s exhausting. But I want to carry on working, because I love it.

• Alison Steadman will be a guest speaker at the Queen Elizabeth Foundation for Disabled People’s ladies’ spring lunch at Epsom Downs on 27 April