All this week's cinema releases reviewed

Yahoo UK Movies Features13 April 2012

Battleship – 2/5

In short:
Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) is a constant disappointment to his brother Stone (Alexander Skarsgård), and things are hardly improved when a chance encounter with Samantha (Brooklyn Decker) at a bar leads to Alex getting arrested in pursuit of a chicken burrito. In desperation, Stone forces his unfocussed sibling to join him in the navy. Soon after, Alex is about to take part in a series of war games near Hawaii: and a group of hostile aliens are ready to crash the party. With just a handful of vessels trapped within range of the aliens, only Hopper and his dwindling crew (including Rihanna) can prevent a full-scale invasion of Earth.

What we think:
The biggest missed opportunity in this film (and there are many), is that no one, at any point, shouts: “You’ve sunk my battleship!”.

[Related video: We chat to the cast of 'Battleship']
[Related feature: When pop stars try movie careers]

The word out there:

Sky Movies: It’s a bit like ‘Pearl Harbor’ – just without any of that holier-than-thou self-satisfaction.
MovieVortex: Michael Bay has a new rival for military fetish cinema.
Den of Geek!: ‘Battleship’ eventually delivers the requisite salty charm and occasional ripples of excitement you’d expect from an expensive summer blockbuster.
HeyUGuys: I advise to keep your brain switched on and use it to go and see something good and stem the flow of this reductive nonsense from our cinemas.

Release date: 11 April
Runtime: 131 mins
Rating: 12A

The Cabin In The Woods – 4/5

In short:
Five teenage friends head to the countryside to cut loose. When they reach their isolated cabin, jock Curt (Chris Hemsworth), his girlfriend Jules (Anna Hutchison), buddy Holden (Jesse Williams), jokey stoner Marty (Fran Kranz) and virtuous/eternally single friend Dana (Kristen Connolly) find themselves acting strangely... or rather, increasingly close to some very familiar character archetypes. As the creepy house draws the suspicious and slightly unnerved teens into the basement, they unwittingly blunder into a horror story that expands far beyond the typical genre tale it seems to be.

What we think:
The most thorough, thrilling and, crucially, fun meta-horror since the original 'Scream', and a timely reminder of why we can't let the genre die.

The word out there:

The Guardian: ‘The Cabin In The Woods’ is a shrewd, ingenious look at the programmatic elements of the genre, a satire that is also a lenient celebration...
Sky Movies: While it's easy to ramble on about how clever, funny and gory it is, it manages to pump that most important of lifebloods into a once-limp genre: above and beyond everything else, it's frantically, furiously fun.
OntheBox: In many ways it’s the natural progression of the meta-horror of ‘Scream’, but now it’s not just about the hows, it’s about the hows and whys.
TimeOut: ‘The Cabin In The Woods’ is clearly intended as a celebration of the world of horror cinema – but it could just as easily bury it.

Release date: 13 April
Runtime: 95 mins
Rating: 15

Delicacy – 2.5/5

In short:

Boy meets girl, they fall in love, they get married and everything seems well in life. So much so that bringing another person into the world is discussed. It's all so familiar, but so fragile. Nathalie (Audrey Tautou) finds this out the hard way when her loving husband Francois (Pio Marmai) is killed in a car accident. Distraught, Nathalie disconnects from emotional life and throws herself into her work. One day, however, a bout of daydreaming pushes Nathalie towards unassuming work colleague Markus (Francois Damiens) and she begins, slowly, to reconnect.

What we think:
It's light and fun, but without delivering any real emotional insight or consistently great comedy.

The word out there:
The Telegraph: Cinema often gives us stories of devastatingly attractive younger women who fall for older men with little to offer apart from the odd bit of lovable buffoonery. Oddly, this seldom seems to happen the other way round.
Empire: The storytelling is a little muddled but Tautou brings all her elfine charm to bear. The real revelation, though, is François Damiens...
Little White Lies: Takes far too long to say very little about life and love.
ViewLondon: A film about a gorgeous French woman falling for her unattractive co-worker is almost like the male equivalent of wish fulfilment chick-lit, so it's likely to find favour with that audience at least.

Release date: 13 April
Runtime: 108 mins
Rating: 12A

Edge – 2.5/5

In short:
Fresh from the success of the brilliant documentary 'Dreams Of A Life', Carol Morley's earlier film is getting a release. This time around it's a drama about a group of disparate souls all finding a connection at a remote hotel. A washed-up popstar (Paul Hilton) takes a shine to a guilt-ridden woman (Maxine Peake) who is trying to lay the ghosts from her past to rest. Two teenagers set up a blind date that goes horribly wrong and a suicidal older woman (Marjorie Yates) is all set for one last day trip. 

What we think:

The powerful themes of Morley's other work are present, but unfortunately the amateurish nature of the delivery distract from some decent performances

The word out there:
The Guardian: Compassion for lost souls pervades Carol Morley's film about marginalised people who come to a Dover hotel.
The Express: A slow-moving and often implausible tale.
The Mirror: Before achieving success, every film-maker has made movies they'd rather forget. This is one of them.
FilmJuice: Morley’s film is a frustrating and unsatisfying one.

Release date: 13 April
Runtime: 92 mins
Rating: 12A

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