Ricky Gervais’ best jokes from the 2011 Golden Globes

parfitt
Movies Blog
13 January 2012

It's that time of year again: the Golden Globes are upon us once more. They'll be doled out at a glossy ceremony on Sunday 15 January.

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Usually seen as a fluffy irrelevance, the much-maligned award show will make headlines again this year thanks to Ricky Gervais, who is back for a second stint as host.

While presenting the 2011 show, he drew gasps from the audience with his close-to-the-bone gags. But what were the most offensive?

THE JOKES

"Looking at all the faces here reminds me of some of the great work done this year... by cosmetic surgeons."

"Some of those scenes (in '24') when Keifer Sutherland grabs someone and beats them to a pulp... they weren't even in the script."

"Hollywood stars make people feel better. You can be a little Asian child, with no possessions or money, and you see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you think 'mummy'".

"Let's get on with it before NBC replace me with Jay Leno."

[Referencing his divorce with Heather Mills] "I saw Paul McCartney on the flight over here. I was up the front and he was in coach. He's saving money... he spent an awful lot last year."

Robert Downey Jr. at the Golden Globes
Robert Downey Jr. at the Golden Globes

"This next category is a bit of a downer to be honest - it's for writing."

"I like a drink as much as the next man... unless the next man is Mel Gibson."

"It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or, as Charlie Sheen calls it, breakfast'.

"It was a big year for 3D movies: 'Toy Story', 'Despicable Me', 'Tron'... Seems like everything this year was three-dimensional - except the characters in 'The Tourist'. I feel bad about that joke because I haven't even seen 'The Tourist'... Who has?"

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"I'd like to quash this ridiculous rumour going around that the only reason 'The Tourist' was nominated was so the Hollywood Foreign Press could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. That is rubbish. That is not the only reason. They also accepted bribes."

"Also not nominated: 'I Love You, Philip Morris'. Jim Carey and Ewan McGregor. Two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay. Sort of the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists then...My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke."

"I was surprised there were no nominations for 'Sex and the City 2'. I was sure the Golden Globe for 'best special effects' would go to the team that airbrushed that poster."

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"There's been some great new TV this year — 'Boardwalk Empire', 'The Walking Dead'. Talking of the 'walking dead', congratulations to Hugh Hefner, who is getting married at the age of 84."

"Please welcome Ashton Kutcher's dad: Bruce Willis!"

"The creator of Facebook Mark Zuckerberg is worth 7 billion dollars. Heather Mills calls him: 'the one that got away'."

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