Group Chat is In The Know’s advice column, where our editors respond to your questions about dating, friendships, family, social media, wellness, shopping, beauty and beyond. Have a question for the chat? Submit it here anonymously and we’ll do our best to reply.
Hey, Group Chat,
I’ve had a crush on this girl for a few months now. I think she’s smart, funny and gorgeous, but every time I say something to her, my friends accuse me of simping. I seriously can’t even leave a comment on her Instagram without getting roasted. How do I get them off my backs and get her, well, into my arms?
Sincerely, Bart Simpson
Dear Mr. Simpson (lol),
Dillon Thompson, who (sadly?) considers himself a simping expert, says… For as much as we use it in daily conversation these days, simping is a pretty complicated concept. Not to simp for myself, but I would know. Last year, I wrote a full article explaining the weird, convoluted history of the word.
Complicated problems have complicated solutions, which is why my advice requires a quick vocabulary lesson. Here are three, simp-related solutions you could try.
Create a “Simpsta”: Like a Finsta, but for simping, this is a second Instagram account created solely to carry out your daily simping tasks. This way, you can keep commenting on this girl’s posts without your friends knowing it’s you.
Use “Reverse Simpcology”: This concept involves psyching out your friends by simping to them as a way of avoiding their ridicule. Flatter them. Tell them they’re masters of the dating world and that you, a plain-old simp-leton, could use their advice to help win over this girl. The compliments should convince them to stop giving. you a hard time.
Pull a “RumpelSimpskin”: Just like the famous fictional sleeper, this strategy involves going into a sort of “hibernation” — but for simping. Take a break from the Insta comments (even if it’s just for a few days), and see how the girl — and your friends — respond. Either way, the results should be telling.
Kelsey Weekman, a certified simp seven days a week, says…
Straight men have been roasting each other for being nice to women since the dawn of time. It’s actually a profound act of feminism to relentlessly compliment a woman, so long as she’s enjoying it.
What makes simping bad, though, is when you expect something of the subject of your simping because you’ve been nice to her, when in fact she doesn’t owe you anything. Your friends sound, simply put, annoying. Maybe if someone had simped for them in the past, they wouldn’t feel that way.
So, actually, continue being nice to this girl, and even nicer to your friends. Melt their cold, villainous hearts with your charm. And perhaps consider replying to her Instagram story instead of commenting on her feed posts? You know, be subtle about it. Covert. Spy mode. Ladies love spies.
Ilse Atkinson, who participated in No Simp September, says… I think the good news is that the answer to both issues — getting your friends off your back, and conveying to her that you like her — have similar plans of action.
First and foremost, I’d suggest taking your communication off such a public forum! If you head to the DMs rather than posting publicly, you can tell her how you feel without your friends being a part of the equation.
And in terms of simping, I say go big or go home. The simple truth is that people can’t effectively make fun of you for something you’re not embarrassed about, so once your friends realize you’ve embraced your role in society as the simp, chances are they’ll move on to new material.
My final words of warning are to make sure you’re not falling into the trap of the “nice guy” who crosses women’s boundaries by not being able to take no for an answer. If your advances on Instagram so far have gone unreciprocated or are unwelcome, maybe it’s time to cut your losses and leave the nice lady alone. There are plenty of fish in the sea!
Jess Butler, who simply needs to see the proof here, says… This is the type of question that makes me crave a screenshot. I NEED THE RECEIPTS. Without them, my gut tells me your friends are incredibly immature. If you are simply interacting with her and not being a true simp, then I think it’s time for you to slide into her DMs. Shoot your shot!
We’re all stuck at home and you won’t have to see her IRL for the next year (most likely). That way, you can send it and forget it — without your friends’ prying eyes. And when it comes to your friends roasting you, your best bet is to just ignore them. If they’re like any teenage boy, they are mainly just enjoying your reaction to the teasing. Act like you don’t care and they’ll move on to something else!
AmiLin McClure, who’s met a few simps in her lifetime says… As long as you’re being 100 percent yourself, then who cares what anyone else thinks? I would hope that your friends are just joking around and giving you a hard time.
One thing to think about is: Are they putting themselves out there too? If not, then they shouldn’t be hating. Now as for getting the girl, I think dropping little hints that you’re into her is definitely a good idea. You want to make sure that she knows you exist, but don’t go overboard in the DMs or always be the first to watch her stories. A little bit of a chase can be fun and exciting! Maybe your friends will have a few pointers for you too.
One last thing to ask yourself is: Has this girl shown any signs of liking you back? If you’ve already tried a few times and don’t really see it going anywhere then maybe it’s time to pause things — or pursue someone who likes you just as much as you like them.
TL;DR … Simping, like imitation, can be the sincerest form of flattery — but it belongs in the DMs, not in public! Send her a message, and forget what your petty little friends say.
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