Gravy cocktail, anyone? Wallace & Gromit’s cheese-free dining venture is far from cracking

Ever since A Grand Day Out was released in 1989, we as a nation have grasped Wallace & Gromit to our collective heart like nothing else. We’ve watched them for decades, falling in love with their Rube Goldberg inventions, their nostalgic mid-century charm and their fingerprint-flecked faces. Wallace & Gromit is this country’s specialist subject. Their lives are ingrained into ours, and as such there is nothing about them that we don’t know.

For instance, when you think of Wallace & Gromit, one foodstuff instantly springs to mind. A food that has propelled Wallace & Gromit narratives and inspired Wallace & Gromit catchphrases alike. Of course, I am referring to gravy.

Try to think of what Wallace & Gromit would be like without gravy and their world simply falls apart. Remember when they built a rocket to visit the moon, only to discover it was made of gravy? Remember Wallace’s face undulating into an expression of pure glee as he bit down hard on a slice of gravy and said “Cracking gravy, Gromit?” Of course you do. We all do.

Wait, hang on, what’s that? I got it wrong? It’s actually cheese that Wallace likes? Cheese and not gravy? And in fact gravy plays such a minuscule role in the world of Wallace & Gromit that it’s nearly impossible to find any substantial information linking the two on the internet? Well, this is awkward. Not just for me, but for the operators of the new Wallace & Gromit-themed gravy restaurant.

Yesterday a press release did the rounds announcing a floating gravy restaurant in Paddington, made by Bisto to announce its new partnership with Wallace & Gromit. Although it will only be open for two days next week, the restaurant will supply a full £15 gravy menu. Upon arrival, diners will be greeted with a gravy cocktail, which will be followed by a Bisto-infused roast with all the trimmings. Dessert will come served with a sweet gravy sauce, before diners are given the opportunity to have a meet and greet with Wallace, Gromit and Feathers McGraw, or at the very least three exhausted interns in heavy costumes.

Which, you have to admit, is a weird way to spend a day. This doesn’t sound like it’s an event for kids – parents of young children will enthusiastically tell you what a nightmare it is to feed children in a restaurant that is by its very design unstable, surrounded by terrifying dead-eyed giant versions of characters they’ve only ever seen on television – which means this is a decidedly adults-only affair. And not just any adults either; this is for adults who like both Wallace & Gromit (but not enough to realise that gravy doesn’t play a big role in the franchise) and also possess such freakish culinary bravery that they’re willing to pour gravy all over their pudding. In other words, this is for about three people max.

And, fine, if you squint and look at it from just the right angle, the partnership does make the smallest degree of sense, because the climax to the most recent Wallace & Gromit film, Vengeance Most Fowl, took place on a canal boat, and gravy is served in boats, and that’s enough of a connection isn’t it? But is this really the way to treat a national treasure?

Related: Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl review – an unmissable, ingenious Christmas treat

On one hand, Bisto must be paying a hell of a lot of money for the image rights of Wallace & Gromit, and if that money helps Aardman to make more Wallace & Gromit films, then that can only be a good thing. The joy of Wallace & Gromit is seeing how something so labour- and effort-intensive, and therefore expensive, can look so effortless. If an influx of gravy cash means that more labour and effort can be funnelled into the process, that’s great.

But on the other, shouldn’t this be a cheese restaurant? And shouldn’t it take place on a rocket? And shouldn’t diners be pinged from their seats across the air into a giant pair of robotic trousers? Really, if you’re going to bend to the might of product placement, it should be worth getting the details right. After all, as Wallace himself once said, cracking brand synergy Gromit.