It’s official, RoboCop is being remade (again), with Neill Blomkamp being handed the keys to OCP for a brand-new take on the satirical original.
But some films – Citizen Kane, Pulp Fiction, Goodfellas – are just too perfect to be remade. And there are several classic movies who won’t get a reboot for a very different reason; someone involved in the original won’t let it happen.
What follows is a list of a bunch of timeless films that won’t ever get a new life, mainly because the people that created them are primed to block any attempt.
Back To The Future (1985)
Back To The Future has a premise that is – pardon the pun – timeless. You could basically remake it at any moment in history, and you’d make more money than Biff with a Sports Almanac.
But if you’re worried about Zac Efron as Marty McFly and Nic Cage as Doc Brown (okay, that does sound amazing to be fair), don’t – Frank Marshall promised Yahoo Movies that Back To The Future will not be remade or rebooted as long as he has any involvement.
“Yeah [we won’t reboot Back To The Future], as long as I have my say. No, that one exists just like E.T. – we’re never touching those. I love watching it. But how about we almost got the Chicago Cubs victory right?!”
Of course, Steven Spielberg produced Back To The Future, and there’s another Spielberg related movie that’ll never get rebooted.
Spielberg has gone on the record that he’ll never remake Jaws, which makes sense – so many shark movies have tried to recapture Jaws’ magic, but none have come close to matching the original movie’s success.
“I would never remake one of my own movies — starting with Jaws,” Spielberg said. “But there are Amblin titles in the library that could inspire new stories that were made popular by the films. … There isn’t a single title that I’ve earmarked, but yes, I would like to. I will be discussing that with Jeff (Skoll) and Ronnie (Meyer) and Donna (Langley). … I would never remake Jaws.”
The Last Jedi (2017)
Sorry to all the “fans” who launched a petition for LucasFilm to remake The Last Jedi, it’s never going to happen. As for that fan-funded reboot, even if Disney did lose their collective mind and waive the copyright because, let’s face it, that would be hilarious, we’re pretty sure a bunch of first-time filmmakers would have trouble convincing people like Mark Hamill, Daisy Ridley and John Boyega to sign up for it.
So, despite the dedicated campaign, The Last Jedi remake is about as likely as a Rogue One sequel.
Let’s say someone was crazy enough to try to remake Eraserhead, a film so personal in its inspiration, and so tied to its director in its creation, it feels like it would be impossible for anyone else to bring anything to it that didn’t completely make a reboot redundant.
But let’s say, for argument’s sake, someone did decide to do that. If they did, we really hope they never tell David Lynch, who’s pretty firmly stated how he’d react if someone asked him for the rights to his debut movie. “If they were near me I might shoot them. If I had a gun,” the director said.
According to star Zach Galligan, who claims to have heard it directly from director Chris Columbus, “There will never be a remake. There will never be a reboot. There will only be a sequel.”
But why won’t we see a reboot? Because the rights situation is so tricky.
According to the director of the original films, Joe Dante, “I am not involved with it. It’s something that we hear about every six months for the past five to 10 years. I know there have been many attempts to do it. It’s tricky because the rights are jointly owned by Warner Bros and [Steven Spielberg’s] Amblin, so you’ve got to jump through two hurdles to get your idea approved.”
When Guardians Of The Galaxy writer Nicole Perlman signed on for a new Labyrinth movie, The Hollywood Reporter claimed it was for a remake of the David Bowie classic. Not so, according to Perlman.
Guys, please don't fall for all the clickbait. No one is remaking "Labyrinth." That movie is perfect as it is.
— Nicole Perlman (@Uncannygirl) January 24, 2016
The project has since moved on, with Fede Alvarez announced as the film’s writer/director. However, the ‘no-remake’ rule appears to still be in place.
According to the report, “insiders stress that the new project is not a remake nor a reboot but rather a continuation of the story set in the rich Henson universe. The goblin king will not be represented in the film.”
It appears that everyone behind-the-scenes of Labyrinth realises how special the original film was, and how foolish they’d be to try to replicate it.
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