John Stamos is looking at back at his struggle with alcoholism and arrest for driving under the influence.
While the Full House star, 59, has found peace as a husband and father in the present, things weren't always so stable for the actor and musician. In a new interview, Stamos says his drinking became so troublesome that he became passively suicidal, not caring what happened to him.
"For the longest time, when I was not sober, when I was fuzzy, I thought, 'I've done it all.' I didn't wanna kill myself, but I didn't care if I died," the Big Shot star sat down with CBS Sunday Morning. "I said, 'I've done it all. if I die tomorrow, it's OK.' What was I thinking? I hadn't done it all; I still haven't done it all, not even close."
Despite knowing how concerned his friends and family were for his well-being, Stamos continued to drink. A 2015 arrest for driving under the influence helped snap him back into reality.
"You know, that fateful night, I got in my car, I thought I could drive, and I couldn't. I just have flashes in my mind about driving in circles. And people were driving near me and they would roll the window down, 'Uncle Jesse, pull over!' And I went to rehab, and it was the hardest thing ever," he shared.
Stamos admitted that he had "Peter Pan syndrome," something he referred to as "dangerous." Growing up was never his priority, and the youthfulness of his looks only stunted his maturity.
"I went into becoming an adult kicking and screaming," he said. "And when you have the whole world going, 'You look 20,' I didn't have any of those tentpoles that say you're an adult, right? I was just skatin' through."
After getting sober, Stamos turned things around. He's been married to second wife Caitlin McHugh since 2018, and is now a dad to son Billy. These days, he has quite a different perspective. He's living for the moment, but also looking toward to the future. He also says he's hoping for "more kids."
"But I'm not looking too far in advance. I'm just thinking about now," he stated. "'Cause the next moment might be someone, you know, gone, right?"
That understanding of loss is something Stamos knows all too well. In the interview, he also reflected on the loss of his dear friend, comedian and Full House star Bob Saget, who died at age 65 in January.
"I don't know what else to say about it other than obviously … one of the biggest influences in my life was Bob. I wouldn't be who I am without Bob," explained Stamos, who co-starred with Saget on both Full House and Fuller House. "My parents, now that's obvious. But him, you know, he was there for everything, all the good, all the bad. He was my brother, you know? He's the brother that I always wanted."
Stamos also showed an important memento of Saget's that he received from the comedian's widow, Kelly Rizzo: his guitar.
"You can only play dirty songs on here," he joked.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1-800-273-8255, or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741.