The names you should never call your baby

When it comes to picking a baby name for an actual human, you’re never going to please everyone.

Too popular, like the monikers that top the most-picked list (Oliver, Mohammed, Olivia and Sophia in case you were wondering), to the rather more quirky (Welcome to the world, baby Tiger!).

While tastes in baby names change from year to year (70s, Box Set and Cartoons are all popular right now) it seems some names are more of a no-go than others.

In fact people have been taking to parenting site Mumsnet to share the examples of the worst baby names they’ve ever heard and why fellow mums and dads-to-be should never choose them for their children.

Somewhat surprisingly, the list included some of the most popular parent picks of 2018.

The must-not-name list was revealed after the parenting site posted the question: “What would you never name a child and why?”.

And people had some very strong opinions.

Some people didn’t like certain names because of their meanings.

“I would never name a child Mia = missing in action. Or Cameron, what if she marries a guy named Cameron and then she is called Cameron Cameron? Or Claudia because it means “one who is lame“ in Latin,” one user wrote.

Others had personal pet hates when it comes to the sound of certain names.

“Anything ending in “-den” ie Jayden, Kayden, Hayden etc. Don’t know why, it just makes my teeth itch,” one user offered.

“I hate names like Ryder, Mason, Hudson, Orson. I don’t know why, they just hit my ear wrong. I think they’re too “modern” for me,” another agreed.

For some parents, surnames as first names was a no go.

“Parker, Carter, Jackson, Grayson etc etc. I just don’t get the surname as first name trend. They don’t even sound nice as first names (to me),” a user wrote.

The gender-neutral trend in baby names isn’t for everyone either.

“Can’t stand traditionally male names for girls eg James. The parents tend to get arsey about people mistaking their girls for boys but – it’s a boys name!” one user explained. “I know names change and I’m sure in ten years everything will be more fluid. Hilary/Hillary frances/Francis prove me wrong.”

Some parents wouldn’t choose certain names merely because they make the most popular lists every year.

“Jack, Sam, Oliver, Olivia, Isabelle, Amelia, just a bit over used now,” one mum explained.

And there were plenty of other names parents took objection to.

• Edith – “I don’t know or care what the meaning is, it’s an ugly sounding word.”

• Fanny – “For obvious reasons”

• Flora – “[It] makes me think of bacteria.”

• Sophie – “Every Sophie I’ve knowns been an absolute bitch”

• Graham – “it sounds like ‘Grey Ham’”

• Mildred – “Such an ugly sounding name, if you like Milly use Milly!”

• Damien – “The name of the Antichrist in The Omen.”

• Jackson/Jaxon – “I don’t know why but that name just drives me nuts.”

• Clementine – “Often shorten to “Clem”. In my brain, Clem = Phlegm.”

• Grace – “There are very few accents that say it gracefully.”

• Colin – “Just can’t picture any babies suiting that name.”

• Oscar – “No reason, just think it’s awful.”

• Mercedes – “She’s a child not a car.”

• Luna – “It’s a pet name.”

• Maggie – “It sounds like maggot. Margaret is little better.”

• Simon: “Simple Simon”

• Earnest – “Old fuddy duddy name”

• Neveah – “Shudder.”

• David – “Purely because of the shortened version, Dave- urgh!”

• Amelie – “I think it sounds clunky and awkward.”

In the end, Mumsnet users agreed that almost every moniker had been put onto the not-to-name list by at least one person for one reason or another.

So, if you’re a soon-to-be parent now furiously crossing potential monikers of the list, remember that names are subjective, so if you want to go ahead and call your baby Colin or indeed Clementine, go right ahead, just try not to think of the Phlegm association.

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