If you were pregnant and enjoying a delicious meal — strike that, you don’t even need to be pregnant in this scenario — and a stranger decided to tell you what’s wrong with it, how would you respond? Anger? Shock? A blue streak of swearing? Silent shame? Should this ever happen to you, look to blogger Laura Mazza for witty inspiration instead.
Melbourne, Australia-based Mazza, who writes the blog the Mum on the Run, is pregnant with her third child and was indulging in a meal on her own at KFC, when two men began talking nearby. In a Facebook post earlier this week (that was first brought to our attention by the Stir), she wrote a diary entry from the perspective of one of them, imagining why a man would be compelled to give unsolicited dieting advice.
“We made sure we didn’t get out of gym clothes because we needed people to know that we are fitness freaks,” she wrote in the tongue-in-cheek post. While eating and chatting with his friend about which girls at the gym they’d have sex with, the man noticed Mazza.
“I see this girl enjoying her lunch and she’s clearly unfit and I dunno why; maybe it’s the fact that the brains went from my head down to my small steroided penis, but I feel I need to tell her that what she is doing is wrong,” Mazza wrote.
Ignoring his own hypocrisy, the man asked her if she knew how bad KFC was for her and went so far as to offer his personal training services to “stop her from jiggling when she walks (yes, they were my EXACT words) and help her get fit and hot for summer to find a man.”
Mazza couldn’t believe the man was serious. “I kept taking a breath to say something, like, ‘You’re eating it too ya bats*** crazy man,’ but he just kept on talking,” she told Yahoo Lifestyle. “I think for some people they genuinely want to help others, because they’ve been through something and want others to have an easier journey. But for others, it’s definitely from a place of ego and a little bit of narcissism.”
With Herculean self-control, Mazza let the man finish his entire speech. As he spoke, she became entranced by his blinding white teeth and realized that was where his weakness was. Then she delivered her retaliating blow: “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear anything you said because all I could think about was how much food you have stuck in your teeth while you were talking,” she said.
This did its intended job and sent the man back to his own table.
How was she able to keep her cool like that? It might be because she has an outlet in her, which she began when she was pregnant with her second child and reflecting on how difficult she found motherhood so far.
“I’m quite sweary and I think, before blogging, I’d say, ‘Go eff yourself,’ ” she told us about how she’d have reacted to her KFC mansplainer. “But now I think I analyze it a bit more, and I’m a lot kinder. Odd … I know.”
As a blogger, Mazza recognizes that she too is often in a position to dole out wise words, just like her KFC friends attempted.
“I think my whole blog is about giving advice, and it’s ‘Don’t take anyone’s advice, and do you!’”
Read more from Yahoo Lifestyle:
- The feminist symbolism connecting TIME’s most recent covers is pretty powerful
- Postpartum depression may be influenced by when you give birth
- “I have postpartum depression, and the holidays are hell”