Star Wars: "Galactic Empire" issues response to White House Death Star petition response

Ben Skipper
Yahoo! Contributor Network16 January 2013
Star Wars: "Galactic Empire" issues response to White House Death Star petition response
Emperor Palpatine

The Galactic Empire's PR has issued a response to the White House's response to a petition from US citizens to build a Death Star - and it's all getting a little confusing now.

The response to the response to the request from light-hearted 'Star Wars' fanatics declares Earth to be a "tiny, aggressive planet".

I'll show you tiny and aggressive! Wait, don't take that the wrong way.

[Related story: Zack Snyder denies he's developing a standalone 'Star Wars' film]

[Related story: ABC might revive live-action 'Star Wars' TV show]

"The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again," reads the press release from the official 'Star Wars' website, "by the recent announcement by the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star."

It goes on to quote Governor Wihuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories as saying: "It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire.

"Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine."

Wasn't that dude thrown down a big hole?

"The costs of construction they cited were ridiculously overestimated," chimed in Admiral Conan Motti of the Imperial Starfleet. "Though I suppose we must keep in mind that this minuscule planet does not have our massive means of production."

Motti then rubbished claims made by White House representative Paul Shawcross that the Death Star had a "fundamental flaw", saying: "Any attacks made upon such a station - should one ever be built - would be a useless gesture."

Make sure to visit Yahoo later this week to hear the Rebel Alliance's response to the Empire's response to the White House's genuine response to the joke petition.

My head hurts.

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