The first thing you’ll probably notice when visiting Val Kilmer’s Twitter account is one of the actor’s colorful abstract paintings. He posts the “daily abstractions” frequently, and you can even buy one on his website for the relatively reasonable price of $500.
But that’s not the highlight of the 57-year-old actor’s Twitter feed. Neither are the selfies. The real reason to visit @ValKilmer is for the fascinating and hilarious stories he shares about his encounters with other celebrities.
The nostalgic anecdotes (most begin with the word “Once”) are kept brief, due to Twitter’s 140-character limit, and are written not unlike poems (unsurprisingly, Kilmer is also a poet). He’s posted the majority of them over the past three months, and they also star a wide-ranging cast of characters including Lou Reed, Jimmy Page, Angelina Jolie, Brigitte Bardot, 50 Cent, and more.
And since no visual proof exists of these tall tales, we decided to animate seven of Kilmer’s greatest Twitter hits. They’ll probably leave you with far more questions than answers, but honestly, that’s part of the fun.
1. CARLY SIMON
A B&B run by “You’re So Vain” songstress Carly Simon actually does sound like a great idea.
Once Carly Simon awoke me in her guest bedroom w/bfast and an acoustic guitar- played me a new song she'd just written. I wept. An angel…
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) March 3, 2017
2. BRIGITTE BARDOT
This one verges on creepy. The whispering. The language barrier. The “all night” comment. The hashtag on her misspelled name. Kind of a weird one to share with your 187,000 followers, Val!
Once I whispered to #BridgetBardot all night… in the south of France… and I don't speak much French… and she speaks even less English.
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) February 8, 2017
3. PETER GABRIEL
Despite the terrible spelling (“we’re,” not “were”), this tweet really makes us think that a buddy comedy starring Val Kilmer and “In Your Eyes” singer Peter Gabriel could work.
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) February 12, 2017
4. 50 CENT
Kilmer also has a special memory of his co-star in the 2010 movie Gun and the rapper of G-Unit fame, which we guess explains the hashtag #GUNIT. What the tweet doesn’t explain is why Val Kilmer is always weeping (see the above Carly Simon tweet).
Once 50 Cent gave me a red muscle car because I loved my 69 GTO. Inside th trunk said #GUNIT and was FILLED w/amps and subwoofers. I wept.
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) January 29, 2017
5. LOU REED
The iconic singer passed away in October 2013, but earlier this year, something must have provoked Kilmer to share the below story that somehow weaves together tickling, martial arts, and daddy issues. SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) February 1, 2017
6. JIMMY PAGE
Kilmer has always found musicians to be kindred spirits. But c’mon … you gotta draw a line, man.
I once let Jimmy Page play with my girlfriends hair, wet from the rain… c'mon. It was jimmy Page. And she liked it. Hell I woulda liked it
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) January 25, 2017
7. ANGELINA JOLIE
Again, SO. MANY. QUESTIONS. While many of the above tweets involving women immediately make you wonder, “Did they…?” this one pulls a 180 in the third act by introducing an unnamed “French actor.” Dun dun dun.
Once Angelina Jolie gave me a ride home on a jet. I surprised her by filling it w/gardenias. She'd also brought a French actor. He was mad.
— Val Kilmer (@valkilmer) January 28, 2017
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