Ricky Gervais was back on withering form at last night’s Golden Globes,
The UK comedian was hosting the awards for the fourth time, and was predictably mean to a huge swathe of the celebrity gathering, knocking them down as the golden gongs built them up.
“[Matt Damon is] the only person Ben Affleck hasn’t been unfaithful to.”
Affleck split with wife Jennifer Garner last year, following speculation over whether he’d had an affair with the couple’s nanny.
“I’m going to be nice tonight,” he said. “I’ve changed. Of course, not as much as Bruce Jenner.”
He then made reference to her bravery in having transitioned and become a role model for people wishing to do the same, but then zinged her again, adding ‘she didn’t do much for women drivers, but you can’t have everything’, referring to her involvement in a fatal car accident last year.
“I love Jeffrey Tambor. I don’t know if it’s because he’s a great actor or because he reminds me of my Nan.”
Jeffrey Tambor plays a man openly living as a woman in the show 'Transparent’.
Golden Globe winners
“If you do win tonight, do remember that no one cares about that award as much as you do. OK? Don’t get emotional, it’s embarrassing. That award is, no offence, worthless. It’s a bit of metal that some nice old confused journalists wanted to give you in person so they could meet you and have a selfie.”
“The Catholic Church are furious about the film, as it exposes the fact that five percent of all their priests have repeatedly molested children and been allowed to continue to work without punishment. Roman Polanski called it the best date movie ever.”
After she complained about pay inequality: “How on earth can a 25-year-old girl live on $52 million?”
“All-female reboots have guaranteed box office results, and they don’t have to spend too much money on the cast.”
Brad and Ange
“When Brad and Angelina see our next two presenters, they’re going to want to adopt them. Welcome Ken Jeong and Kevin Hart.”
“To be fair, 'The Martian’ was a lot funnier than 'Pixels’, but so was 'Schindler’s List’.”
“Eva Longoria and America Ferrera are not only beautiful and talented actresses, they are also two people who your future president, Donald Trump, can’t wait to deport.”
“A few years ago on this show I made a joke about Mel Gibson getting a bit drunk and saying a few unsavoury things,” he said. “We’ve all done it. I wasn’t judging him but now I find myself in the awkward position of having to introduce him again. I blame NBC for this terrible situation. Mel blames… We know who Mel blames.
“I want to say something nice about Mel before he comes out. So: I’d rather have a drink with him in his hotel room tonight than with Bill Cosby.”
Image credits: Yahoo File