Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s most savage jokes from the Golden Globes

Laura Harding, PA Deputy Entertainment Editor
·3-min read

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler did not hold back with some of their stinging remarks as they opened the Golden Globes.

The comedians delivered their opening monologue in front of a masked, socially-distanced audience of first responders and essential workers in two locations on both coasts of the US.

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Here are some of their best gags:

“We will be honouring all of the fantastic TV shows you binge-watched this year – the American Office, old Columbos, very one-sided news programmes, the Zoom town halls about your school staying closed and, of course, the cranberry juice skateboard guy. He’s going to skateboard to all the nominated songs tonight.”

“Normally this room is full of celebrities but tonight our audience on both coasts is made up of smoking hot first responders and essential workers. We are so grateful for the work that you do and that you are here so that the celebrities can stay safely at home.”

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“The Golden Globes are awards given out by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association is made up of around 90 international, no black, journalists who attend movie junkets each year in search of a better life.
“We say around 90 because a couple of them might be ghosts and it’s rumoured the German member is just a sausage that somebody drew a little face on.”

“At the Golden Globes we give out awards for movies and TV but it’s hard to tell them apart this year because movie theatres were closed and we watched everything on our phones.
“So you may be confused which nominees are count as movies and which are considered TV.
“TV is the one I watch five hours straight. But a movie is the one that I don’t turn on because it’s two hours. I don’t want to be in front of my TV for two hours, I want to be in front of my TV for one hour five times.

“I think the rule is if their fake teeth look real that’s a movie and if their real teeth look fake, that’s TV. And if the British people are playing British people it’s TV and if they are playing Americans, that’s a movie.”

“Mank is short for Mankiewicz, the name of screenwriter of Citizen Kane, and that is the only thing they shortened.”

“The Queen’s Gambit is whatever James Corden was up to in The Prom, I guess.”

“Emily In Paris is nominated for best TV series – musical or comedy – and I for one can’t wait to find out which it is.”

“French Exit is what I did after watching the first episode of Emily In Paris.”

“Sia’s controversial film Music is nominated for best international floperooni. I don’t want to get into it guys, but it’s real problematic and Twitter is saying it’s the most offensive casting since Kate Hudson was the Weight Watchers spokesperson.”