James Bond 'an impotent, functioning alcoholic'

All those Vodka Martinis really do add up, then...

New research has concluded that rather than being a debonair ladies' man, James Bond would actually be a functioning alcoholic.

And as a result, his boozy ways would also suggest that he'd hardly be a hit in the bedroom either.

Dr Patrick Davies from Nottingham University Hospitals NHS Trust has totted up 007's units of alcohol consumed per week and found some rather alarming results.

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Having read all 14 of Ian Fleming's novels, it has emerged that Bond is guzzling down between 65 and a whopping 92 units of alcohol per week.

The NHS recommends that people only consume around three or four units per day, or 28 units in a normal week.

“James Bond is a functioning alcoholic, which really isn’t very consistent with his ability as a spy,” said Davies.

“You wouldn’t want a high functioning alcoholic having to dismantle a bomb.

“In Casino Royale he drinks more than 39 units then jumps in a car (his 1930 Bentley 4.5 litre) and has a high speed chase, crashes and then spends 14 days in hospital.

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“In one sitting it would be a two litre bottle of whisky, three glasses of wine and two pints of beer.

“In real life a normal person wouldn’t be able to function like that, it would be impossible. You wouldn’t be able to stand straight, let alone having the clarity of thought.”

But it's not only his work that would likely suffer.

“In reality he would be at high risk of sexual dysfunction too, which totally goes against the image of the character.”

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The most Bond has drunk in a single novel is in 'From Russia With Love', where he managed to put away a sterling 50 units in one day.

Davies added that Bond's character parallels with his creator Ian Fleming, who died aged 56.

“Ian Fleming died at 56 and people say Bond is partly based on him. He drunk a lot and he smoked a lot - it’s possible Bond might have had a similar life span if he had been a real person.

“His risk of death would have been 1.74 times the average, and his risk of cirrhosis seven to 16 times the average.

You can’t drink heavily and be high functioning. You will always pay for this kind of behaviour, unfortunately.

“The message is that you shouldn’t drink this amount and expect to get away with it.”