Avengers fans are laughing at Thanos - here’s why they shouldn’t

Sam Ashurst
Yahoo Movies UK Contributor

There’s no getting away from it, when he’s moving, Avengers: Infinity War’s CGI Thanos doesn’t look great.


We’ve compared him to a bad model of Bruce Willis made from purple Play-Doh, but we weren’t the only ones to notice a couple of design flaws.

Some people have compared him to Homer Simpson.


Others have noticed the slight visual / logical inconsistency between Avengers’ Thanos, and Infinity War’s Thanos.


As for everyone else, well, they mostly can’t stop laughing at him.


But, here’s the thing, we should probably enjoy this laughter while it lasts – because when Infinity War actually comes out, and we see what Thanos is capable of, we won’t be chuckling, we’ll be crying. Like, full-blown, hysterical tears that would embarrass everyone around us if they weren’t crying too.

That’s because Thanos is going to kill pretty much everyone we love in Infinity War. In the comics, that’s pretty much his thing – he’s killed his mother and father, murdered half the universe with a click of his fingers, and even destroyed Lady Death. Yep, that’s right, Thanos killed death. That’s hardcore.

But we don’t care about that bunch, we’re worried about our lovely Avengers – all the heroes that Marvel have basically spent the last decade making us feel like they’re our friends.

You see, because those characters are played by actual actors who are restricted by stuff like limited contracts and the human ageing process, the original Avengers have to be phased out eventually. And what better way to do that, than by introducing them to Thanos?

In the comics, the villain’s killed War Machine, Peter Quill, Captain America (with one slap!), Thor, Scarlet Witch, Drax, Gamora, and Vision. His actions also led directly to the deaths of Iron Man and Spider-Man.

As for the deal that’ll bring The X-Men into the Avengers universe, Wolverine and Deadpool had better hope that doesn’t happen – Thanos killed them too!

Actually, it’s probably easier to count the people Thanos hasn’t murdered than the ones he has.

Most of this death and destruction happened in the six-issue Infinity Gauntlet comic series, which saw Thanos getting hold of all the Infinity Stones, making him basically unstoppable. Sound familiar? Yeah, that’s because it’s probably the plot of Infinity War.

Obviously, the MCU is very different to the comic-book canon, but there are plenty of contenders for death by Thanos in the upcoming film. Who’s most at risk? Here’s our best guesses.

Drax

In the MCU, Thanos has killed Drax’s entire family – which makes is basically inevitable that the pair will face-off at some point in Infinity War. But, as much as we like Drax, we don’t see him surviving that encounter – he won’t be the hero to deliver the killing blow (this is an Avengers movie, not a Guardians movie), so there’s really only one other option for him; a hero’s death.

Vision

The only thing making us think Vision might survive Infinity War is the fact his death has been pretty solidly teased in the first trailer – so it now feels a bit too obvious. But still, he is powered by a mixture of an Infinity Stone and Thor’s lightning, and if Thanos is going to complete his jewellery collection, he’s going to have to remove that stone. But, if Vision does die, at least it won’t be as brutal as the comics, where Thanos also removed Vision’s guts for good measure.

Hawkeye

Okay, so where’s Hawkeye in that trailer? We’ve seen him show up in the promo material, complete with a brand-new haircut, but he’s a no-show in the teaser. Could that be because he suffers an early death? It would make sense if he did – he’s always been a bit of a background character, with no real story-arc outside of a sudden secret family we met for the first time in Age Of Ultron. Also, he has no powers – he’s just super-good with arrows, which isn’t going to do much against a pretty-much indestructable supervillain. Bye bye Hawkeye.

Loki

In the comics, Thanos turned Thor to glass and shattered him. In the MCU, we don’t see them killing off Thor, Chris Hemsworth is still young, popular and is basically at the start of a new story-arc, as he struggles with the responsibility of being a king.

Loki, on the other hand, looks to be at the end of his journey. In Thor: Ragnarok, he reconciled with his brother, and even recieved a sense of acceptance from Odin. There’s not many more places to take the character and, when you consider Thanos will probably have a grudge against him for his failures in the first Avengers, we’d say he’s probably not long for this (Marvel Cinematic) universe.

Hulk

To be honest, we’re surprised Hulk’s survived in the MCU for as long as he has. Thanks to a weird licensing deal, Marvel can’t spin the character off into his own solo series, so they’re pretty hampered in terms of how they use him.

And, with Mark Ruffalo only contracted for a couple more movies – let’s face it, he’s the main thing that makes this character work – we could be looking at the demise of the big green guy. What better way to demonstrate Thanos’ supreme power than for him to kill off one of the strongest characters in the MCU?

That said, there is a way to keep Hulk around if Marvel really want to – in Thor: Ragnarok Bruce was worried about turning into Hulk permanently; if that’s foreshadowing Marvel’s plans, they won’t need to recast Hulk, they could just keep him as a permanent special effect.

Iron Man

We’re sure that if Marvel could invent some kind of real-life Lazarus Pit, they’d keep bring back Robert Downey Jr’s Iron Man until the end of time. Unfortunately for them, Robert Downey Jr is 52, he’s got two films left on his contract (including Infinity War) and he’s ready to move on.

We don’t see Tony Stark suddenly chilling out and retiring to the countryside, especially as his worst alien invasion fears are about to be realised, so he’s definitely going to die (we know, we know, we’re sorry).

He’s gone from being the hero, to the sort-of villain, to the redeemed mentor to Spider-Man – and what are mentors most known for? Dying to inspire the hero. So, expect Stark to cark-it in front of a wide-eyed Spider-Man, inspiring the youngster to step-up to full Avengers membership in time for Avengers 4.

In the Infinity Gauntlet series, Iron Man was killed off-panel, decapitated by one of Thanos’ followers, with his helmeted head casually rolling around in the background in subsequent scenes. We’d expect him to go with a bit more dignity than that, with a hero’s death that’ll do justice to the character’s standing in the MCU.

Captain America

Look, we’re as upset about this as you are, but all signs suggest that Cap isn’t going to survive his encounter with Thanos. He’s dodged a MCU death before (in the comics, he’s assassinated in Civil War), but his time is about to run out. Not least because Chris Evans’ contract’s about to end – like all the original Avengers, he’s only got two films left (including Infinity War).

His best mate Bucky (Sebastian Stan), on the other hand, has six more films left to go on his (including Infinity War), so don’t be surprised if The Winter Soldier picks up the red white and blue shield and takes on the mantle of Captain America after Steve Rogers is brutally murdered by Thanos.

To summerise, what we’re saying is, no-one you grew up watching in these films will be safe in Infinity War. He might look like Joss Whedon fell into a vat of lavender bubblegum, but Thanos is about to have the last laugh.

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