Jennifer Lawrence Turns 26 – Her 26 Greatest Quotes

Jennifer Lawrence has reached the ripe old age of 26.

And she remains one of the most unapologetic foot-in-mouth artists of recent years, blurting out pretty much what she likes when she likes, without consideration for internal editing.

– Tributes pour in for Kenny Baker
– Suicide Squad takes a box office dive
– De Niro: Donald Trump is totally nuts

Long may it continue.

Here are some of her finest moments of madness/unchecked honesty…

On meeting John Stamos: “He was at a party, and I turned into a perverted guy. I was like following him into rooms and staring at his ass… He asked me if I was on mushrooms and I said, ‘No. I’m dead sober. This is just me’.”

On going to the doctor: “I just went to the doctor today, I got a chest X-ray of my lungs and discovered that my breasts are uneven.”

On toilet breaks: “I’m the fastest pee-er ever. I’m famous for it.”

On school: “Don’t worry about the bitches in school – that could be a good motto, because you come across people like that throughout your life.”

On the craft of acting: “Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid. Everybody’s like, ‘How can you remain with a level head?’ And I’m like, ‘Why would I ever get cocky? I’m not saving anybody’s life. There are doctors who save lives and firemen who run into burning buildings. I’m making movies. It’s stupid’.”

On farting: “As soon as somebody farts around me, I think it’s hilarious. This is something my brothers did that now the boys at work are obsessed with. You cup it, and then you throw it in someone’s face and say, ‘Take a bite out of that cheeseburger!’”

On coughing in Letterman’s face: “Sorry! That was phlegm. That was so powerful. I’m like a dragon!”

On the future: “I’d like to direct at some point. But I don’t know because 10 years ago I would have never imagined that I’d be here. So in 10 years from now, I might be running a rodeo.”

On being an Oscar-winner: “Whenever Josh [Hutcherson] is like ‘I don’t think you should do it like that’. And then I’m like ‘Oh, really? Do you wanna tell that to my Oscar?’”

On getting papped: “I wrap myself up to look like Lord Voldemort so that they can’t see anything because the thought of giving them a picture that will make them money absolutely infuriates me.”

On the contents of her handbag on the Oscar night red carpet: “Candy, almonds, my phone, a Baby Ruth, Laffy Taffy.”

On fashion: “I really would not call myself a fashion icon. I would call myself somebody who gets dressed by professionals. [It’s like], ‘Dance, monkey, dance’ right on the red carpet. I would call me more of a monkey.”

On her physique: “I think that people are built the way that they’re built. There’s that Kate Moss quote that’s like ‘Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ and I can name a lot of things that taste better than skinny feels: bread, potatoes… a Philly cheesesteak and fries.”

On dieting: “If anybody even tries to whisper the word diet, I’m like, ‘You can go f**k yourself’.”

On her key role in the Hunger Games movies: “I really do love the [Hunger Games] movies after I watch them. Because the whole time I’m watching them, all I’m thinking about is what a troll and how untalented and awful I am. If I wasn’t in them, I would love these movies. I’m the worst part of the whole franchise.”

On staring: “Helena Bonham Carter and Jeff Bridges waved at me. And, of course, it would be absurd if they were waving at me, so I just stared at them. I stared at both of them. And they were like, ‘Alright, fine’.”

On staring at Meryl Streep: “Once I’m obsessed with somebody, I’m terrified of them instantly. I’m not scared of them – I’m scared of me and how I will react. Like, for instance, one time someone was introducing me to Bill Maher, and I saw Meryl Streep walk into the room, and I literally put my hand right in Bill Maher’s face and said, ‘Not now, Bill!’ and I just stared at Meryl Streep. I just creepily stared at her.”

On meeting Woody Harrelson for the first time and seeing the yoga swing in his trailer: “Hi, Woody, I’m J — is that a sex swing?”

On auditioning: “I never think it’s right to chew gum in front of other people, but a lot of times I’ll come in for a meeting chewing gum and I’ll forget I’m chewing it. Then you don’t want to swallow it because it stays in your system for seven years or something, so I’ve asked to throw it away. I’ve started to wonder if that’s why I didn’t get certain movies.”

On Jesse Eisenberg’s obsessive compulsive disorder: “Poor Jesse Eisenberg was talking about all of his OCDs, and then I was like, ‘Dude, your OCDs are awesome!’ And he’s like, ‘I’ve actually been suffering from it my whole life,’ and I’m like, ‘I don’t care! Ha ha ha!’ I was nuts.”

On appearing on Chelsea Lately: “Backstage, I just peed like every 3 seconds. I think your staff thinks I have diarrhoea.”

On working out: “I hate saying, ‘I like exercising’ – I want to punch people who say that.”

On mishearing a question about hunting squirrels: “I thought you said ‘hump squirrels’. This is the one where I hump squirrels, yes.”

On running her mouth: “It’s almost like I subconsciously don’t want to work anymore, so I’m trying to ruin my career. [I told someone] I’m pregnant!…I did this to the New York Times. My publicist called me and was like, ‘This is the New York Times. Be serious’. And then I found myself talking about orgies in three seconds.”

On lies: “I was a big liar when I was child. I was just like a pathological liar when I was a kid. I think I just wanted to one-up somebody. Somebody would be like, ‘Oh, God, my legs hurt’. I’d be like, ‘Your legs hurt? I’m getting mine amputated next week’. And that’s actually how my mother found out. She came to school and somebody was like, ‘God, that’s such a shame about Jennifer’s legs’. She made me purge. I had to spill out all of my lies. I was like, ‘I said that Dad drove a barge, and we were millionaires, and you were pregnant, I had to get my legs amputated, and I spayed cats and dogs on the weekends’.”

On the stuff she says: “It’s something I always tell myself: ‘You need to calm the f**k down. You don’t want to constantly be a GIF’.”

Image credits: Cosmopolitan/Getty/Roadside Attractions